Psychology
by Frostybyte
Summary: Series of oneshots profiling Buffy and Spike's love and hate relationship, which seems to be a mystery to all. Chapter Two: Fantasy.
1. Denial of Reality

_Well, let's see. This series of one-shots was inspired by my older sister's psychology book. Which she'll probably kill me for reading. But I saw this and was instantly reminded of the endless mystery that is Buffy/Spike..._

_"All of us employ various ego-defense mechanisms in our efforts to maintain psychological integration and protect our self-concepts from devaluation. Defense-oriented reactions must be considered pathological, however, when they become the predominant means for coping with stress and seriously interfere with the resolution of adjustive demands."_ -"Abnormal Psychology and Modern Life, Fourth Addition"

Don't worry, you don't need to understand that.

This one takes place right after "Crush."

_Denial of Reality: Protecting self from unpleasant reality by refusal to perceive or face it._

**Buffy's P.O.V.**

He can't love me.

He's _Spike_, for Pete's sake. The Slayer of Slayers, William the Bloody, that guy--no, he's not even a guy--that _vampire_ who tried to kill my friends.

He can't love me.

He doesn't even have a freakin' soul.

And even if he did, it wouldn't matter. Because I still have a soulmate. In L.A. Who conveniently happens to _have_ a soul.

I mean, you can't love someone if you don't have a soul.

Right?

_He loved Drusilla._

And there goes that stupid voice in the back of my head that sounds suspiciously like my mother.

_He really did love her._

No, what he had with her was obsession and sexual attraction. Not love.

If there was love, he wouldn't have offered to stake her.

_Unless he really does love you..._

Which he doesn't, of course.

Because Spike loving me is too wrong and too weird and has _issues_ written all over it.

It's just obsession. Because it could not be love, in any possible dimension, planet, or era.

It's just not possible.

Because he doesn't even have a soul. And you can't love without a soul.

I think I'm probably the first Slayer to have two vampires love her.

Well, one love her. And have another one obsess over her.

But you get the gist.

It's kinda romantic: the vampire and the vampire slayer. Like Romeo and Juliet. Except without all the death and destruction.

That hasn't happened yet.

Unless you count sending Angel to hell. After he lost his soul.

Spike doesn't have his to start with. So he can't lose it. But he can't love either.

Right?

But none of it matters, because, well...

The Romeo spot has already been taken.

By someone who actually can love me.

**Spike's P.O.V.**

She believes me. She doesn't want to, but I can see it in her eyes. She knows I'm telling the truth.

But she'll probably spend all night convincing herself it's not love.

Because she's scared.

Scared of what I could do, scared of what she could do, scared that it'll turn out the same way it did with Peaches.

Scared that she'll put her friends in danger.

Again.

Because she knows that sooner or later, she'll slip up, and someone she loves will get killed.

Here's to hoping it's the Whelp or Watcher Boy.

But she'll deny anything between us.

Because that's her way of dealing.

Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil, yadda yadda ya. There's another word for it.

Denial.

And when it comes to denial, she and Peaches have common ground.

They both believe that it'll someday work out, that they will be like Romeo and Juliet. One thing about that though.

They both _die_.

But they don't care. They love the idea of it. They don't love each other. They love the fact that they're getting away with something that hasn't been done before.

And you know what?

_They were._

And that's what makes it so much worse.

The only difference between me and Angel is...a soul.

Such a small word for such a big thing.

But because of it, Buffy will go on denying that there is anything between us.


	2. Fantasy

_Okay, this chapter really only works if I do them at separate episodes, so **Buffy's P.O.V. is after "Hell's Bells"** and **Spike's P.O.V. is during "Crush" when he makes Harmony dress up as Buffy.**_

_Thank you to **CaroMio** and **Indigo Moon Star** for reviewing._

_**Fantasy: Gratifying frustrated desires by imaginary achievements.**_

**Buffy's P.O.V.**

Is there an actual law that states that I cannot kill humans?

Seriously, is there???

'Cause I seriously want to break the head of Spike's date. Maybe I could just maim her, disfigure her a little.

Or a lot.

But I can't. Because she's "human."

Waitaminute.

Since when does Spike date humans?

I bet she's actually a vampire. Which means I can stake her, maim her, or otherwise torture or permanently disfigure her.

These are the little things that get me through the day.

First, I can slowly pull her nails out. Then I can break her fingers one by one. Then I can shave her hair off bit by bit. Then, when she's in so much pain she can't stand it, I will slowly, oh so slowly, cut her head off.

If she is a vampire.

Which she probably is.

I mean, Spike doesn't _like_ humans.

Except for me.

He still likes me, right?

Why am I getting all stalker-possessive of him anyways?

Not like I actually _like_ him.

He was just a distraction.

And I'm done with that now.

So why am I fantasizing about killing his date?

Because she's a danger to Sunnydale!

_Do you really think she's a vampire?_

And there we go again. Stupid voice. Leave me alone

_The first sign of insanity is talking to yourself._

Ughhhhhhh.

**Spike's P.O.V.**

She doesn't act like Buffy.

She doesn't sound like Buffy.

She doesn't even look like Buffy.

But that's fine. It's all I have right now.

I can't believe I'm reduced…to this.

To screwing Harmony, dressed like Buffy, so that I can imagine, for a little while, that it is actually her.

But it's not her.

It will never be her.

It is always the same with me and the bloody women I love.

I love them…but they don't love me.

Even Dru never loved me the same way I loved her.

And Harmony…Harmony doesn't even count. I don't even _like_ Harmony. All the stupid bint can talk about is fashion and Paris.

I'm such a bloody wanker.

Dru saw it coming. And it's just too bleedin' ironic, innit?

My ex saw what I couldn't.

Always knew there was a reason Angelus kept her around.

Poofter.

I might've had a fighting chance with Buffy if not for him.

Who am I kidding, I know I wouldn't.

So that's why I'll never tell her, and just live the dream and try to pretend that it's not Harmony.

Try to pretend that it's Buffy.

_Okay, I know. Really short. Forgive me. I do not know how to have Buffy fantasize about Spike, so I just made her fantasize about killing his date. ducks flying objects I'm sorry!_


End file.
